Bitterness

Those of you who read the blog, know I’ve been questioning a lot of things. I don’t get a lot of the immaturity and pettiness, but lately I’ve been questioning the anger. I think I talked about it in an earlier blog, but God’s been talking to me a lot more about it.

So my first ‘Why”.

Why do we hold onto anger?

I’ve been involved in several situations where people talk about things brewing for years.

One of them was at the softball blowup. All game long guys were saying how they weren’t going to let the other team do what they’ve done for so many years. It got to be where guys were thinking the other team was cheating on just about every other play.

If someone got a hit, they had to make a comment.

If someone on the other team got a hit, someone on our team had to bark back.

Then the other team started barking back.

Then the blow up, and people excused it by saying it had been brewing for years.

Why? How can you hold onto that for so long?

Well, 2 weeks later we are headed towards playing the same guys in a different league.

It’s the playoffs. We won our first game, and so did our rivals. This sets up us facing them in the next game. As it turns out, they were going to have a tough time getting guys to play us on the scheduled day, and asked if we could set up a new date.

Like and explosion, several of our guys said, “No way! Not after what they’ve done to us.”

“Screw them!”

“That’s what they get.”

A couple guys just said no, but only because they knew who was asking for a change.

So, the original date was kept and it looked like we would be playing against a weaker version of their team, or we wouldn’t be playing at all due to forfeit.

I think God had other plans. It’s been raining for quite a while now, the game has been cancelled, and the makeup game is this week at an earlier time. It will make it tough for our guys to get there now.

Now we’ll be playing a team that know we were out to spite them and they have a good chance of having a loaded squad.

Hmmmmmm.

Anger. Was it worth it?

I’ve also been able to watch other people go through some tough times. One of them has sworn off church, and is pretty angry at God. Another is just flat out angry.

It’s natural. I know. We all experience anger.

But in its truest form doesn’t anger really only focus on us?

I know it’s natural. I know we all experience it. I know some say it’s healthy.

Is it really, though?

I’m not so sure it is. I know it feels right in the moment, but how many good decisions are made in anger?

And now time for my 2nd why.

Why do we get angry at God?

Again, it’s natural when things don’t go our way. We can’t fathom losing a loved one. We can’t fathom his ways. We can’t fathom when bad things happen to good people. We can’t fathom when bad things happen to children.

Can you fathom being God and having to give up your only son in order to save billions of selfish, self-seeking, thoughtless, thankless, unworthy ingrates? It wasn’t fair. But He did.

Can you fathom being Job and losing EVERYTHING you’ve ever had? Health. Wealth. You name it. But he never cursed God.

I’ve had a very good life. Not much has ever gone wrong. Sure I’d like to be 6’3” 200lbs of solid muscle, but it ain’t gonna happen. I’d like to make 10 times the money I have right now, and have a beautiful home on a hill overlooking a stream on my 20 acre property. It might happen, but it’s not where I am right now.

I’ve also had my share of pain. I loved and lost and lost and lost…..until God finally brought me the perfect lady when I was 29. While all my friends were getting married and having kids, I didn’t get married until I was 30.

I lost a grandfather to AIDS…because he needed a blood transfusion after surgery and he was given AIDS infected blood. One of the strongest men I ever knew was weak and frail due to the disease. And he did nothing wrong to get AIDS.

I lost a nephew to SIDS last year. He was so perfect and innocent.

I’ve spent a lot of time asking God why. And I think we can. He wants us to talk to Him.

But I don’t think we should ever get out of fellowship with Him due to wanting to be angry.

I’ve had to train myself to be thankful and praise in the storm. It’s so unnatural. I do it by thanking God for the things I do have, instead of focusing on what I don’t have, or what I think is being taken away. I had a lot of good years with my grandparents. I’ll never forget my nephews beautiful personality and smile.

When I read the bible and see what the bible hall of fame went through, it was never easy. Abraham, Moses, Jacob, Samson, David……They all went through trying times, but they’re hall of fame for correcting it. Things always got out of whack when they tried to do it their way. But when they turned it back to God, things turned around.

We have to remember. God is in charge. Like it or not, He’s boss.

We’ll do all we can to do it our way. I mean, that’s how it’s been all our lives. We’ve been able to take care of ourselves, our families, our way of life for so long. We like to think we did it. But there is no such thing as a self made man. God orchestrated it all. He orchestrated the jobs, the connections, the deals….We are nothing without Him.

I think a lot of times, we as Americans think we can solve it all by ourselves. For some reason Americans are born with an ultra selfish gene. It’s developed and enhanced as we grow up as we’re taught that’s how you do things. Do it your way.

When we grow up we lean on our health benefits before God. We lean on our paycheck before God. We lean on our friends before God. We lean on our connections before God.

And when those things fail us, we get angry. It is then we either go to God, or turn from God.

I think a lot of times God uses the tough times to soften us. He’s got something He wants to do in us. The more I think about it, He probably has for awhile, but we don’t’ pick it up until He gets our attention.

But here’s the irony of the tough times. We can allow them to soften us and make us sensitive to God. Or we can harden our heart.

Hardening our hearts makes us bitter and bitterness is like a drug. You need more of it in order to keep going. It leads to sarcasm and cynicism. We lose our smile. We lose our joy.

Don’t’ go down that road.

Don’t’ ever let anger take hold. Feel it. Understand it. Talk to God about it, and let it go.

Being angry, going it alone, will never ever solve a thing.