Yup. It’s the first day of school.
I didn't like it growing up and I like it less now that I’m
a parent. It’s the day I give my kids to strangers for 7 hours a day.
For those keeping score at home, I’m doing better than last year. But it still stinks.
Now, truth be told, I’m sitting in my quiet house right now
thinking about things. I know I’m fortunate enough to have a job that allows me
to work out of a home office. So outside of a few business trips, my summers are
truly with my boys.
I’m fortunate enough that many of my breakfasts, lunches and
breaks are spent with 2 little versions of me. I’m fortunate enough that the
childish disagreements at my office are due to…children. I’m fortunate enough
that the noise in the office is due to superheroes fighting crime, hot wheels
races, and exercise on the trampoline outside my office.
I’m fortunate to hear the tantrums, the foot stomping,
whining and crying.
I know. I'm blessed. I get it. I don't know how other dads or dual-income families do it. I'm fortunate enough to have a job that I get more time than most with their
kids.
But that makes this tough. Because now the house is quiet.
The walk to school was less emotional than last year. But it
was a reminder of how quickly they grow up. They didn't hold our hands as
tightly this year. It was more “business-like”. We had to carry bags of school
supplies and quite frankly, they probably held our hands just to make Liza and
I feel better.
And since the boys start at the same time this year, Liza
and I didn't really get to see them off the way we like to, standing and
watching as they walk down the hallway. I think that was the sad part of it for
all of us compared to last year. Now they enter through different doors. One of
the boys will always be dropped off first. It won’t be possible to watch them
both walk to class. (tear)
This is how school will be from now on. We’ll drop them off.
We’ll give them a quick kiss and a hug and watch them walk away. I’m thinking
about all my aunts and uncles who are watching their kids drive away to
college. I’m sure 18 years went by faster than they expected. I know these 6
years have.
That’s the paradox of parenting. We spend so much time
getting them ready. We devote our lives to raising, growing, teaching and preparing
our kids for school and life. And we grow SO close to them. Then one day, we
say, “Be good. Listen to your teacher. Be a good friend. Don’t wait to go to
the bathroom. Eat all of your lunch. Have a good day. See you later.”
And turn around to go home or to work.
And then our days are filled with faith, hope and trust. We pray and hope for their safety. We trust in the school, teachers, and staff to
teach, care for and protect our little ones. We hope they learn and listen. We
hope they don’t get hurt. We hope we raised them right and that other parents
raised their kids right too.
All through August and leading up to today, the boys seemed
to be really excited about school. I suspect they didn't really know what going
back to school means. But as they were dropped off, I could tell something
bothered them.
I’m not sure if it was that they were finally realizing going back to school means they’re in school all day which means less time for toys, video
games and playtime. Oh, and going to bed earlier.
I’m not sure if it was meeting new teachers and making new
friends.
I’m not sure if it was the partners in crime realizing that
they don’t have their 24/7 shadow for the next 9-10 months. They really grew
closer and became best friends this summer.
I’m not sure if it was realizing that from 9 until 4, they’re
at school. Away from home. Away from the good life. Away from mom and dad for
most of the day.
Part of me took it as a compliment. They’re unspoken way of
saying “We love you and would rather be with you. We love spending time with
you, Mom and Dad and we’re going to miss you. We hope you miss us too.”
I’m going to treat it like the latter and swallow them up
with hugs when they get out of school.
That, along with the words, will be my way of saying “We
love you and would rather be with you. We love spending time with you, Jakin
and Grant and we’re going to miss you. We hope you miss us too.”
Yup. It’s the first day of school. (sigh)
