I was sitting and talking with someone who is having a rough go of it right now. Over the last few months, they’ve seen a love lost, and that love finds someone else. Now there are a wide range of emotions to doubt, anger, embarrassment, and a lack of understanding.
I spent some time telling them that there is no need to be embarrassed. The other feelings are natural and expected. We’re human. We have feelings and emotions.
But the questions like “Why would God do this to me?
I was trying to be good.”
Or “Why does she get rewarded for doing something like this?”
And “She doesn’t get to feel hurt. Why do I have to feel the pain?”
I didn’t have an answer other than he has to trust God and he will learn and be tougher and better for going through this.
Then he later relayed a conversation he had with someone else. The person he talked to was angry with the person who hurt him. Then I started thinking about it, and quite a few people were angry.
So I put on my thinking cap.
Is it wrong to internalize and personalize everything we go through? After all, it is happening to US, isn’t it?
But what about when the situation we’re in involves other people?
We always want to say “Why is he/she doing this to me?”
“Can’t they see how this hurts?”
“How can they just move on while I’m still sitting here with the same feelings?”
What if the other person was unhappy, and is now happy. Should they be unhappy because we are unhappy?
Is it wrong for them to chase their heart and where they are feeling led because we are hurt because of it? They have dreams and aspirations and feelings too.
What if you were the one leaving a relationship?
Sometimes…many times, people change. Feelings change. Dreams change. We don’t mean to hurt people, but it may happen. Or it may happen to us.
As I tried to tell my friend, it’s one of those things that we hope to understand someday. Most times I think we will. We’ll get older, and look back at where we were 5, 10 and 20 years ago and see these are the moments that make us who we are.
I didn’t have a lot of girlfriends, but I dated quite a few ladies and had a fair amount of crushes. I was the “breaker-upper” only once.
I heard the classic break up speeches. You know how they go.
“It’s not you, it’s me.”
“There’s someone better for you.”
“We’re not going the same way”
“I still want to be friends….”
“I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
I even heard “You’re just too good for me.”
But each one of those disappointments and sometimes crushing blows helped develop me into the person, man, friend and husband I have become.
At one time I looked back on those moments and I would be flooded with grief and anger. I wanted to know why it didn’t work out when I cared so much and poured so much into those relationships.
I don’t think I ever got an answer to the “Why?” question I would inevitably ask.
Every now and then I’ll run into someone I used to date. Or I’ll run into someone that keeps in touch with them. And when I see where they are and where I am, I see that it never would have worked out. Either I wouldn’t have been the man they needed, or maybe they wouldn’t have been the lady I needed. They are chasing their dreams. They are married. They are engaged. They are single and chasing careers.
I can hear God saying to me, “See, Nate. You didn’t think you could go on, but you did. Look where they are now. Look where you are. You wouldn’t be where you are, where I need you to be if you held on to what you thought you needed back then.”
Then I smile and think about my life, my wife, my job, my family……
Wow. How did I get here? How do we get there?
You just learn to move on. You learn to trust again. You learn to love again…and stronger than the love you had before.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
This should not be
With so much drama at LWFC
It’s kinda hard being Nate D- O- Double G….
-Nate Dogg, 2007
Last week I posted about grown adults acting immature. Consider this posting “Immature Pt. 2”
I’ve been back at Living Word for about 10 months. The church has grown, but it’s still relatively small. The dynamics among the people are pretty much the same. It’s really a family church. That means unless you’re really new, we’re all like brothers and sisters.
And that means things get, for lack of a better word, catty sometimes. And really it could be like that at other churches I have attended or visited.
I’ll go back to what I said last week; grown adults can be so immature. Just this weekend I believe I was lied to about a situation that didn’t warrant a lie at all. (Does life ever really warrant a lie?) Tell me what’s going on, and let’s handle it. Don’t make stuff up, because when it all comes out, the truth will be told.
There have been a some instances the last couple weeks where I got bad intel, or info from someone about a situation. Yes, that means I was at the back end of a nice little gossip string. What happens at the back end? Yes, that is where “it” all comes out. And it usually stinks.
Based on the info I got, I made some bad assumptions. I made a couple phone calls, talked to Liza and eventually talked to the person I thought I had upset. What I learned was, things were cool.
I spent a day and half retracing conversations and comments to see where I might have upset someone. Come to find out it looks like it some contrived drama, with a side of white lies and half truths.
I’m glad I’ve seen enough of it in my 34 years to know not to make a knee jerk reaction. I did my research, went to the source, and found out what I really needed to know. And I didn’t go to the person saying “What did I do? Why did you…..Blah blah blah.”
Now, can someone tell me why we fight all the time.
We fight at home. We fight in sports. We fight at church.
I’ve been playing church softball for 16 years now, and church basketball about as long. Someone explain to me why we smile, laugh, chat and pray before the game and then start fighting. And I’m talking about on the same team. Add in a missed call by an umpire, or a skirmish with the other team and we’re fighting for the rest of the game.
There have been a couple situations this year on the respective softball teams that make me scratch my head. Guys get upset because of where they play and how much they play. They get upset at an ump over a call.
They get upset because someone offers some bad or unexpected advice. They get upset because the other guy gets upset.
They get upset at an overthrow. They get upset at an underthrow. They get upset because of flyouts. They get upset at not looking at pitches. They get upset at positioning.
They get upset because some won’t show up due to a prior commitment. They get upset when someone tries to be in 2 places at once. Though we know it’s physically impossible.
They get upset when they think someone doesn’t care, and in turn decide not to care.
They get upset and make their own interpretations of a situation. Do you know what your interpretations say about you? They often tell you exactly what’s in your heart.
By the way, your competitive nature doesn’t make it right.
Your reaction tells a lot about you as well. If you act deceitful because you think (notice I said you think) someone is purposely doing you wrong, how does that help? It only makes it worse.
A friend of mine is catching heat right now because they can’t be in 2 places at once this weekend. They want to be, and they are doing everything they can to do so. But it is impossible. So they have to choose. Do they want to make themselves happy? Do they want to make one group happy? Or do they want to make the other group happy?
They are in a lose-lose situation, unfortunately. Though arrangements have been made, the results won’t be liked by the other party. Someone will misinterpret based on their own misguided opinion.
Ain’t it sad?
So now the battle is how to handle the party that’s going to get upset. The natural response is to fight back.
Our generation says “Hit em high, Hit em low. Hit em first. Hit em last. Let em know who you are, and they’ll never do it again.”
Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turns away wrath.
And you say, “Whatever, Dude. We’re human. We have different personalities and upbringings. What’s right for you might not be right for me.”
And I say, “Whatever, Dude.” Like I said last week, you are only explaining why you act that way, It’s not excusing it.
James 3:9-10 says “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
Like James says, this should not be.
How can we come to church, call someone brother or sister, fellowship, praise the Lord, and then go out and talk about them?
This should not be.
Skip down to James 3 verses 13-18 “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
If you want peace in your situations, you have to act in humility. You can’t harbor or hold onto the selfish thoughts and anger. The passage tells us that you only find disorder and every evil practice there.
So do you want peace, or do you want to satisfy your own selfish pride?
Your answer to that question tells a lot about you.
It’s kinda hard being Nate D- O- Double G….
-Nate Dogg, 2007
Last week I posted about grown adults acting immature. Consider this posting “Immature Pt. 2”
I’ve been back at Living Word for about 10 months. The church has grown, but it’s still relatively small. The dynamics among the people are pretty much the same. It’s really a family church. That means unless you’re really new, we’re all like brothers and sisters.
And that means things get, for lack of a better word, catty sometimes. And really it could be like that at other churches I have attended or visited.
I’ll go back to what I said last week; grown adults can be so immature. Just this weekend I believe I was lied to about a situation that didn’t warrant a lie at all. (Does life ever really warrant a lie?) Tell me what’s going on, and let’s handle it. Don’t make stuff up, because when it all comes out, the truth will be told.
There have been a some instances the last couple weeks where I got bad intel, or info from someone about a situation. Yes, that means I was at the back end of a nice little gossip string. What happens at the back end? Yes, that is where “it” all comes out. And it usually stinks.
Based on the info I got, I made some bad assumptions. I made a couple phone calls, talked to Liza and eventually talked to the person I thought I had upset. What I learned was, things were cool.
I spent a day and half retracing conversations and comments to see where I might have upset someone. Come to find out it looks like it some contrived drama, with a side of white lies and half truths.
I’m glad I’ve seen enough of it in my 34 years to know not to make a knee jerk reaction. I did my research, went to the source, and found out what I really needed to know. And I didn’t go to the person saying “What did I do? Why did you…..Blah blah blah.”
Now, can someone tell me why we fight all the time.
We fight at home. We fight in sports. We fight at church.
I’ve been playing church softball for 16 years now, and church basketball about as long. Someone explain to me why we smile, laugh, chat and pray before the game and then start fighting. And I’m talking about on the same team. Add in a missed call by an umpire, or a skirmish with the other team and we’re fighting for the rest of the game.
There have been a couple situations this year on the respective softball teams that make me scratch my head. Guys get upset because of where they play and how much they play. They get upset at an ump over a call.
They get upset because someone offers some bad or unexpected advice. They get upset because the other guy gets upset.
They get upset at an overthrow. They get upset at an underthrow. They get upset because of flyouts. They get upset at not looking at pitches. They get upset at positioning.
They get upset because some won’t show up due to a prior commitment. They get upset when someone tries to be in 2 places at once. Though we know it’s physically impossible.
They get upset when they think someone doesn’t care, and in turn decide not to care.
They get upset and make their own interpretations of a situation. Do you know what your interpretations say about you? They often tell you exactly what’s in your heart.
By the way, your competitive nature doesn’t make it right.
Your reaction tells a lot about you as well. If you act deceitful because you think (notice I said you think) someone is purposely doing you wrong, how does that help? It only makes it worse.
A friend of mine is catching heat right now because they can’t be in 2 places at once this weekend. They want to be, and they are doing everything they can to do so. But it is impossible. So they have to choose. Do they want to make themselves happy? Do they want to make one group happy? Or do they want to make the other group happy?
They are in a lose-lose situation, unfortunately. Though arrangements have been made, the results won’t be liked by the other party. Someone will misinterpret based on their own misguided opinion.
Ain’t it sad?
So now the battle is how to handle the party that’s going to get upset. The natural response is to fight back.
Our generation says “Hit em high, Hit em low. Hit em first. Hit em last. Let em know who you are, and they’ll never do it again.”
Proverbs 15:1 says a soft answer turns away wrath.
And you say, “Whatever, Dude. We’re human. We have different personalities and upbringings. What’s right for you might not be right for me.”
And I say, “Whatever, Dude.” Like I said last week, you are only explaining why you act that way, It’s not excusing it.
James 3:9-10 says “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be.
Like James says, this should not be.
How can we come to church, call someone brother or sister, fellowship, praise the Lord, and then go out and talk about them?
This should not be.
Skip down to James 3 verses 13-18 “Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice. But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.
If you want peace in your situations, you have to act in humility. You can’t harbor or hold onto the selfish thoughts and anger. The passage tells us that you only find disorder and every evil practice there.
So do you want peace, or do you want to satisfy your own selfish pride?
Your answer to that question tells a lot about you.
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